Thursday, March 27, 2008

Worst. Copy. Ever

This a follow up to my previous rant about D&B and their goofy Haden Panettiere pairing.

While I still have some love for D&B, I have to say that the marketing copy in their latest catalog is some of the lamest stuff I've ever read. And that is saying a lot. Here it is in all of its mediocrity. Sadly, there is a lot of it.

A warm breeze beckons.

Following the coastline through all the promises of summer from Santa Barbara to Saint Tropez, you take in the blue sky spilling down green hills into the glimmering sea. A kerchief flutters among white clouds. You wind your way down streets of ochre and sunlight amidst art deco architecture and reach the waves. Glimpse a sailboat through jewelled splashes of surf from beneath the cool shade of umbrellas. In the sun-dappled air, whispers of a timeless glamour, past and present, meet. It is in the romance of the seaside that you feel as radiant as your favorite celebrity, at the end of the bright day, passing into the fairytale night popping with stars and flashbulbs.

And just like you, HAYDEN PANETTIERE, star of the hit TV show "Heroes," redefines the image of classic grace in a fresh, distinctive style. Like Dooney & Bourke, she evokes the sophistication of the past while revealing an exuberant new spirit that could only belong to today. Among all the enchantments of the coast, every woman, with her favorite pair of sunglasses and a handbag on her arm, is a vision.

Okay, did you read it all because you really have to. It's hilarious.

Let's break it down:
  1. Umm, "a kerchief flutters." Who says that
  2. The Thesaurus got it's work-out today didn't it?
  3. Run-on sentence. Look it up.
  4. "Sun-dappled air?" Is that even possible? Gag.
  5. I don't often aspire to feel as radiant as a celebrity. Generally they look kind of grimy. Maybe that's just my take. And where did all these stupid flashbulbs come from?
  6. Yes, those are their all caps.
  7. If I don't know who HP is, why would I want to plunk down $500 for a bag "designed" by her?
  8. A very young girl who plays a cheerleader on a TV show evokes the sophistication of the past. Uh huh. Gotcha.
  9. Every woman is a vision...with her favorite pair of sunglasses and a handbag. Subtle with the product integration there, guys.


fashiontemptress said...

I think all I can say, just wow. Over the past decade I've seen alot of companies cheapen their image to appeal to the younger crowd, and I think they are starting to realize that this was a bad idea. An example of this is Victoria's Secret claiming that they will start going back to the original image they portrayed when they fisrt opened. Another company that cheapened their image over the years is Coach. These companies are definitely not the same companies that my mother shopped with when I was young. That being said they have inadvertently lost my mother as a customer, age 50, and have never gained me as a customer, age 24. Whatever happened to not only wanting to appear as though you offer quality products but actually doing that? Sorry, this was my Friday morning, "I don't want to be at work" rant.

Princess Poochie said...

I'm with you. I get really tired of the gimmicky patterns and stuff they do. The classic pieces can be okay and somewhat affordable.

I'm also done with every celebrity getting their own fashion line.